i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
