apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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