I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
