you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
is that a dick in a sweater?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
