Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
