if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
This is my gift to your gina
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
