My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
