Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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