the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
