Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
