I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
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Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
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The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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