in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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