Dude my mom stole all your condoms
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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