I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
youre lurking in front of me
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
