words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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