I'm really into asian looking animals
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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