No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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