New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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