my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Randomize
