i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
