Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The air was thick with penises
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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