BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
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I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
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you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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