Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
