wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
