my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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