Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
