yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Randomize
