My Higher Power is John Stamos
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
