we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
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Don't EVER smell your tampon
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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