I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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