Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
