his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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