This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
