i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
