i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
