I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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