My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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