college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
