so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
