And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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