Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
