woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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