If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
