the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
