I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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