Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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