i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
