This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
