I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
