i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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