based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
