Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think my fart just growled at me.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I deserve this hangover.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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