The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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