Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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