I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
