Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
