don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
