Swine flu. Run for my life!
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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