i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
