So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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