Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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