Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
