he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
