i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
