I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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