I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
