he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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