i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
